Check-in

204.4

That was today's Monday Morning weigh-in. Last week, it was 205, so I am making snail-pace progress. I am just happy the scale is moving in that direction! And it will take as much time as it does.                                                               ------>


I also got up this morning and did about 15 or so minutes of kettlebell training for my shoulders and back. Then I walked about 2.5 miles, with a couple of short jogging bouts thrown in. I already feel better, but exercise always does that for me.

A while back, my son (almost 19 years old) was diagnosed with GERD (Gastroesophageal reflux disease) and I am starting to feel like I either have that too, or gastritis, or it's just my stupid ulcer flaring up again. Anyhow, I have a lot of reflux, burp all too often for polite company, and if I eat too much, or the wrong things, I wake up with indigestion the next day. So after a bout of intermittent eating (which didn't work because I overate or used it as an excuse for eating junk), I am back to small meals. This means I am revisiting some of my early eating habits, like my favorite breakfasts. The breakfasts I have listed can go two ways - on the lighter side (better for my tummy!), or a little more filling, just depending on how much I use of the components. For lunches, I've been doing a lot of salads (with a protein) or leftovers from dinner the night before.

Speaking of dinners, I started following @halfbakedharvest on Instagram a while ago, and I am in love with so many of her recipes! We tend to eat a lot of veggie-heavy meals, and I have found several I really enjoy, like the Better Than Takeout Kung Pao Cauliflower, which is amazing. And the sauce can be used for any veggies/protein. Part of our veggie heavy eating these days is thanks to my Imperfect Foods produce box subscription, which not only saves me money, but gets me to cook with veggies I don't normally. Since we started getting this, my kids have developed a love for squash and sweet potatoes that they never had before! Plus, the produce is stiff that would normally go to waste, because of its imperfections, so I am saving water and fossil fuels, while helping farmers. Not too shabby!

On a very different note, I just realized that since I started blogging here out of the blue again, I didn't mention a truly huge life change. Last summer, very unexpectedly, my husband of nearly 24 years passed away following cardiac arrest. For a while after his death, I couldn't eat, and while he was in the hospital, I lost 11 pounds in 3 days. Then I ate to comfort myself. It has taken the last seven months of hard work to start moving past this. I also realize that I need to be there, more than ever, for my kids as their only surviving parent, so I need to take care of myself. And I miss feeling strong, healthy, and more confident. I also want to set the best example I can for my kids.

Long time, no see!

So, I did the classic thing. I worked my butt off (literally in some ways), and got a before and almost-after...

212+ versus 160

Same 212+ versus about 170

And now I'm back to this...

Around 200-205

So, I am reviving my blog because it helps me stay accountable to myself.

I also have some minor health/digestive issues going on, likely either GERD or gastritis. So while I have been trying, with very little success, to do intermittent fasting, I need to go back to smaller, balanced, more frequent meals.

I also really, really need to start working out again. I was running a few mornings a week (okay, okay. Jog walking), but then some family issues got in the way and I didn't have that block of time. So I am trying to plan my running for next week, and I'm researching 15-20 minute strength routines, since I bought a kettlebell!

Additionally, I swim on most Sundays with my daughter, though that's more of playing around than laps or anything. And I have the option of doing 55 minutes of yoga on Wednesdays at work.

In the spirit of getting back into this, here's one of the early motivations I found, and I think shared once before...

If you're going to do something...

You might as well do it thoroughly. So, when I fell off the wagon, I really fell off the wagon.

I achieved a low weight of 162 pounds in the spring of 2017, with a total loss of about 46 pounds. I felt FABULOUS. Healthy, vital, attractive, strong. Since then, it's all been going in reverse, with pounds piling their way back on. I know there were several events that led to this: I started working more due to my husband's lack of working; then my marriage essentially ended; then I started working even more as his unemployment ended and he transitioned to disability, and we almost lost the house; etc., etc., etc. It was not a pleasant year between last fall and this one.

So, fast forward to today. I fell bloated and uncomfortable, back up at about 190 pounds. I feel easily exhausted. I have heartburn and reflux. I have basically no muscle definition, and have had to buy increasingly larger clothes. I also have more headaches again, including monthly migraines during PMS. I am also not sleeping well. While I have been having some fun eating all the foods, it just isn't enough fun to keep on with. And it sets such a terrible example for my kids.

I've managed to go from a 56-60 hour work week to about 40. I have time to work out, but I don't. I have time to meal prep, but I don't do that either. It's time to turn it back around! I reached out to my coach friend today, and she's going to adjust her schedule so we can meet up in her garage/home gym once a week for a killer upper body workout. That's step one. Step two, I downloaded (re-downloaded really) the Couch Potato to 5K app to my phone, so I can get going with that again. Three, I've been reviewing some of my favorite dishes from my "healthy time," as I've decided to call it. Four, I've decided that if I am going to continue paying for a gym membership, I had better use it!

No more waiting. No more excuses. I'm almost 46... time to do this!

Setbacks

This is how I've felt lately... as if every time I move a little forward in my self-acceptance journey, I also move backward.

I've gained back somewhere between 5-7 pounds, and I can feel it, especially around my midsection.

I am trying, really hard, to focus on the "still gets you ahead" part of this picture.


Good points about where I am:

• Food thoughts do not consume my day any more. I'm not thinking about how much protein I still need to eat, or how many calories worth of butter I just slathered on my raisin bread toast.
• I'm eating the same meals, most of the time, as the rest of my family. No more special meals!
• I really enjoy about 90% of the food I eat. True, I overdo it sometimes still, or there are times when I'm not really hungry for what I'm eating, but mostly, I do really like the food I eat.
• I've noticed that, if I am paying attention, I feel satisfied with less.

Some things to keep working on:

• At least one a day, I still have the thought "I really should go on a diet" pop into my head.
• I'm definitely not drinking enough water. I think in part this is in rebellion to drinking a gallon a day for so long.
• I'm not exercising enough. I felt better, and do feel better, when I exercise regularly, and that's really been falling by the wayside lately with all my job craziness, etc.

Do I feel like a failure? No. I feel like I am learning more about myself. I feel like I am working on personal love and acceptance. I'd like to move toward not just enjoying things, but treating my body well. I guess I feel a little dissatisfied. And like maybe I am focusing too much on enjoyment, and not enough on how I feel. A friend of mine put it this way:

You have to eat stuff that makes you feel good, and you have to be honest about what “feels good” means.  

...

You have to exercise, and that has to feel good too. 

Shifting...

I'm not sure when things shifted, or how, but I feel much more accepting these days of the idea that there are no bad foods. I've eaten things in the last few weeks that I avoided like the plague, or binged on in the past, and they are JUST FOOD. I put away my scale, deleted all the food and fitness tracking apps from my phone, left a bunch of FB groups, and just started meditating. I just wanted to share that I am so thankful right now, thankful for this progress. I am sure there will be bumps in the road ahead, but right now, it feels good.

I was a healthy, active kid. I grew up in the country, with a big vegetable garden, beef raised on my grandfather's ranch, fresh homemade breads, etc. When my parents split up when I was 10, my dad didn't cook, and weekends at his house meant either I did the cooking, or we ate junk. At my mom's, we still ate homemade (homegrown when possible) foods that always tasted amazing, so it was quite a dichotomy. Despite being relatively thin, I became obsessed with my weight around 13, when I started developing. And I became obsessed with books where the characters were anorexic (bulimia never appealed to me). In my freshman year of high school, I tried desperately to get through a whole school day on just a vanilla yogurt. I tried the Rice Diet, the Scarsdale Diet, counting calories (and really restricting them), and so forth and so on. By the time I was 19, I had already tried SO many diets! At 19, I became pregnant, and gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that was adopted the day after his birth (private open adoption), and I developed PPD. I then went on birth control too, and between the hormones and PPD, gained weight. I continued gaining weight, dieting, binging, dieting, binging, gained weight... this just kept going. By the time I hit 30, I weighed one and a half times, or more, what I weighed in high school. Finally, in 2015, I did lose weight, and have kept it off for the most part, but only by following a rigid "eating plan" and schedule, and exercising like crazy. I tried Intuitive Eating a couple of times in there, but really worried about weight gain. After all, I still had that last 10-15 pounds to lose!

I'm not sure, like I said, how this shift happened, but I realized I need to celebrate the progress I have made in my HEALTH, not so much the scale, or how I look, but how I feel. And I felt both elated that I was healthier, and trapped in a rigid diet. So I decided screw it. Who cares about that last 10-15 pounds? Not my husband, not my teenagers, not my closest friends. I have a lot to celebrate! I've gone from huffing and puffing my way up a single flight of stairs to being able to run MILES. I have muscles that I can see, and that can lift/move heavy things. I sleep better, rarely get sick, and don't have achy joints. Yes, I'm in a size 10/12 rather than the 8 I pictured, but in the grand scheme of things, that's really good, especially compared to the 18/20 of two years ago.

One day a couple of weeks ago, I woke up, ate a breakfast I actually wanted (banana walnut oatmeal, in case you're curious), and haven't looked back since. I have friends who are training for a fitness competition, and so they are very diet focused -- timed meals that consist of protein and green veggies only -- and I realized that I don't want that for myself. I want to enjoy my food, try new things, eat some cheese, delight in fresh fruit. I also don't want my kids to only ever see me dieting. I want to share in family meals, and teach them to love themselves, and to respect their bodies, not to torture them.

So today, I added some sugar -- REAL sugar -- to my coffee for the first time in 10+ years, and it tasted so good! I ate the breakfast I wanted (cheesy grits topped with two fried eggs), enjoyed every bite, and that felt good too. There is still a voice in my head that is worried about the weight, possibly regaining all I fought to lose, etc. But I think that's a risk I am willing to take, because I feel deep down inside, that my body will get to where it is meant to be, and yes, the nagging little voice inside my head still hopes that's a little lower than where I am now -- can't change all my thought patterns right off the top. 

And exercise? I am not sure I feel like torturing myself with 2+ hour long weight sessions any more. I want to keep running, and hiking, and biking, and walking, playing in the ocean, and all that. Some weights too, for sure, because I enjoy the results, but maybe less often, and definitely less intensely. I have no desire to be almost unable to walk for half of each week after "leg day".

I had this vision in my head of how I would eat and move AFTER I lost all the weight. I've decided not to "weight" any more. I can eat and move that way NOW. For example, there's a recipe in The Working Class Foodies Cookbook for zucchini fritters, to be served topped with (ideally fresh) ricotta, that I've been dying to try, and avoiding because it didn't fit my food plan. Or a fabulous seeded rye bread from The Nourished Kitchen. I imagine a couple of slices of that bread, warm, topped with butter, alongside a couple of eggs and some fresh fruit, and it sounds amazing! And as far as movement, I can see myself biking to work, or with my family. Trying yoga for real. Maybe getting back to TRX once a week (when I can afford it). Swimming more. Taking long, rambling walks out in nature. PLAYING instead of forcing myself through more reps, heavier weights...

There's still some extra flab around my midsection. I still have what my daughter affectionately refers to as "bingo wings" (though they are a lot smaller these days!). But, my body is still pretty awesome. It moves easily, has birthed amazing children, hugs people, can hold hands, do tough work, draw, type, and more.

My Current Reading List (in progress and to be read):

Intuitive Eating: A Revolutionary Program That Works

Health at Every Size

The Omnivore's Dilemma

The Mindfulness Eating Solution (listening to this on Audible, and it's really good, though I am not overly fond of the title... something about it just rubs me the wrong way)

Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat

Dietland

Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting & Got a Life

The Rules of "Normal" Eating

No Sweat: How the Simple Science of Motivation Can Bring You a Lifetime of Fitness

And I'm loving reading cookbooks these day. Mostly whole-foods based, because that's how *I* prefer to eat. Among them are the two I mentioned above, as well as 100 Days of Real Food, The Healthy Hedonist, and Local Flavors. I've decided to go through my cookbooks and get rid of any diet books, and any that don't support my actual eating journey.

I used to put what I considered to be "motivational" fitness memes at the end of each post, and have decided to continue that, but with a different focus...

It's Been a While...

It's been quite a while since I even thought of this blog, but I decided it could really help as I move forward into a new phase of how I treat my body.

I am trying to move away from dieting, once and for all. Mentally, I just can't do it any more. I can't tell myself that there is one correct way to eat, and if I stray from it, I'm failing. I can't set this as the example for my kids. I can't live my life always avoiding certain foods. Now, if I had an actual food intolerance or allergy, that last part would likely be different, but since I don't, I can't. And more importantly perhaps, I won't anymore.

So...

NO MORE DIETS

What will I do instead, you ask?

I will learn to trust myself. My body can certainly let me know when it is hungry, and when it is full, if I am only willing to pay attention. I don't need a schedule to tell me when I should eat. I don't need a measured, weighed, carefully counted portion of food to tell me how much to eat.

No, I'm not going to sit around eating potato chips and chocolate cake (though that does sound kind of fun!!!). I happen to like feeling good in my body, and I know what kind of eating feels good. Michael Pollan said it best...

"Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."

Pretty simple and straightforward advice.

So I'm trying to pay attention to what I am craving. What foods keep popping up in my mind? Truthfully? Oatmeal and salad. Oatmeal with fruit, and nuts, a little vanilla, and a good dash of cinnamon. Salads with lots of crunchy vegetables, and garbanzo beans, and yummy dressing. Watermelon. Pineapple. Peaches. An occasional good sandwich, with turkey and avocado on sprouted rye. And yes, chocolate. Dark, rich little squares of chocolate. My favorite is this amazing 72% cacao chocolate from Trader Joe's. Just a piece or two is enough.

I am worried that I will gain weight back. I'm fluctuating between a 43 to 45 pound loss. I'd eventually like to lose more, maybe just 10 pounds, but am trying right now accept where I am, and to trust that my body will get to where it should be. I'm healthy, and that should be a stronger marker than a number on a scale!

Exercise is overall still good. I lift weights, pretty hardcore, 2-3 times a week. I do a fun circuit with friends, and their teens, at the park once a week. I ride my bike, walk the dog, go in the ocean, play Frisbee at the park with other friends, and so forth. I definitely consider myself active.

I found this video through a link on Facebook this morning, and I think it sums it all up nicely for me.

So This Happened...

Which means I only have 18-23 pounds left to go, depending on how I feel 18 pounds from now! Finally hitting this number really upped my motivation, as does the fact that I really do feel better when I eat right, and exercise. Here's to keeping the momentum going!

Refocusing...

Birthday number 44 is lurking around the corner, just over two months away.

I promised myself I'd be in shape by 30.

Then I promised myself I'd be in shape by 35.

And then I was sure I'd be in awesome shape by 40.

And of course, every number in between all of these.

I've lost almost 40 pounds this year. I have just over 20 left to go to hit my goal weight. But lately, I've been slacking off a little. Sure, I had a couple of weeks in there recently that were right on point. Clean foods, no sugar, lots of water. And honestly, I felt amazing! But then I just...stopped. And went back to thinking "I'll just have these chips/cookies/this bagel because I exercise regularly." And honestly, that might work for maintenance (I am maintaining!), but not for weight loss. Sometimes I feel like I'm sabotaging myself, or maybe just getting lazy.

So today I asked my coach-friend to please kick my ass a little harder. And she said "No problem." She did yell at me a little (I needed it) about this morning's pre-workout bagel with cream cheese, though she yelled in a nice way. And yeah, that's really not the best pre-workout food...it just sat in my stomach like a lump of lead. I think for Friday morning's workout, I'll eat a little lighter, and with a lot more protein in mind.

I'm ready to refocus. To drive myself a little harder. I know I can do this, and I know I can get where I'm going. I just have to stop stopping!

I did it! I'm a...

RUNNER!

Okay, well, jogger, technically... I guess. I'm not sure though, what the difference really is. Is it attitude, as this piece would suggest, or speed and mechanics, as this author defines it?

But I can "run" over two miles, without stopping! It started August 20, when I went for my semi-regular walk/jog-interval-thingy. I got to the end of my "warm up" block, and decided to just go for it. Less than half an hour later, I jogged back up my front walkway, having completed the whole distance!

I went out a few days later, and did it again, totally leaving my ex-track-runner husband in the dust (to be fair, his knees aren't what they used to be).

And then I ran 2.4 miles!

Now that I can actually do it, I find running a lot more pleasant. And I have such a sense of accomplishment every time I log a new run. And I've been doing some more hard-core training during my bootcamp workouts three times a week...

Have you ever tried running with someone holding you back via a resistance band? It's HARD work!

So I bootcamp three times a week (most weeks), and am aiming to run 2-3 times a week. I'm not looking to become marathon-ready... just 2-3 miles a day is pretty awesome for me! And I want to do some fun 5Ks, like color runs, mud runs, Santa runs, etc.

I need to start more stretching too, maybe some yoga.

I also completed a challenge with a couple of friends... as of today, I have completed 1000(+) jump squats in the month of August! Here's number 1003!

My other big news is that I've stopped thinking of myself as fat, and I realized the other day, I hadn't thought of myself that way in a while. NOT feeling fat feels awesome, by the way! I feel strong, I feel more energetic, more confident. And I don't miss feeling the way I did 35+ pounds, 22 inches ago.

Yes, I still have a few pounds to lose. Yes, there are some areas to strengthen/tone. I am still a work in progress. But I feel like a different person!

I've also noticed my relationship with food changing. I trust myself more and more to choose what my body wants/needs, moving more toward intuitive eating. [Here's a link to a fabulous post on IE] Lately, my intuition has me switching out more animal-based proteins for veggie based ones, though I'm not following any specific guidelines there (think I'll hop over and update my Food page after this post). I re-watched Forks Over Knives, re-read VB6, and am just feeling that a more plant-based approach will be better, for me, in the long run.

Don't get me wrong... I still eat, and enjoy, meat. Tonight's dinner, for example, is citrus-marinated chicken, black beans & rice, and salad. I'm just eating less of it in general, and I try to aim for 2 meatless dinners each week, for the whole family.

 

This is what I am learning to do, 

and it is amazing!!! -->

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

Before picture mid 2015; in-progress picture July 2016

Look! Look! I'm making PROGRESS!!! This is proof that hard work pays off.

I've lost, as of this morning, 32 pounds, and 17+ inches.

I feel a million times better than I did before...except that I threw out my lower back last week, and then did a bunch of burpees yesterday, and now I feel like I'm going to die...but besides that, I feel so much better.

I can run.

I can max out my Bowflex.

I can do 25 pushups, on my toes -- you know, regular, full-on push-ups -- without stopping.

Truthfully, I haven't been able to really SEE the differences in myself until I put together this before-and-making-progress picture. So if you're having a hard time seeing changes in yourself, I highly recommend this exercise.

What am I doing?

I'm eating as healthfully as I can without being super restrictive. I try to get protein, fat, and good carbs at each meal and snack. I drink a gallon of water daily. I make sure I get a minimum of 25-30 grams of fiber daily, and I avoid sugar as much as possible without being crazy about it. I allow myself treats here and there. I am trying to keep this something I can do and maintain over the long haul, not a "diet" that is temporary by nature. I'm trying to learn to trust myself with food by following the principles of Intuitive Eating (especially #10).

I work out hard three days a week, including running (C25K!), boot camp workouts with friends or weight training at home. I do HIIT workouts on the mornings of the other days, and I try to get in other activities, such as roller skating, hiking, biking, etc., on those days too.

Today, looking at how far I have come, I am my own motivation! But still...

image courtesy of dumpaday.com

Feeling Back to Normal... Mostly...

On Monday, I wrote about another failed attempt at actually following a diet.

(Side note: WHEN WILL I LEARN?!?)

On Tuesday, I was rear-ended at a stoplight.

To be honest, it was not a bad accident at all. The person in front of me moved up several feet, waiting to turn right. I moved up several feet. The lady in the SUV behind me moved up several feet, and kept moving, until my car being in the way stopped her. She apologized... a LOT... and I got all her info, we looked for damage (didn't notice any at the time*), and went our separate ways. I was shaking like a leaf, as they say, but felt okay otherwise.

Within a mere half an hour though, I had a massive headache, and my neck hurt. The Husband ordered me off to the hospital, to get checked out just in case. The doctor there checked for sore areas and bones out of place, and declared that I simply have a minor case of whiplash. He recommended ice and ibuprofen, and taking it easy.

So I took it easy yesterday. Yes, indeed-y I did. I also ate cookies, an English muffin with almond butter, a few mini donuts... and more. Obviously, I did not exercise. And by the end of the day, I felt pretty much like crap. 

About how I ate... image courtesy of The Simpsons

And how I felt by nightfall... image courtesy of The Simpsons

Today, I'm back in the saddle, I guess. Logging foods in MyFitnessPal, trying to get my water in. I don't feel much pain, stiffness, or soreness, so today I will aim for at least a lower body workout. If I still feel fine after that, I may just hit the treadmill, or a walking path while my daughter is at derby practice.

I had a very good smoothie for breakfast, then snacked on almonds and a lemon Larabar. Lunch will be a big salad with chicken, and various veggies, and my favorite dressing (which I could not eat on the Whole30). I may or may not have a slice of toasted rye seed bread with that. Dinner plans call for grilled London Broil, roasted broccoli, and another salad (though smaller). I have not yet decided on an afternoon snack, though with a workout, I feel one is justified.

Anyhow, I will get through this stupid minor injury, and make progress! My new 9 week challenge starts Saturday, so I had better be ready!

image courtesy of quoteaddicts.com

*Bumper came loose, but my son put it back in place. I have no license plate lights until we replace them.

What HAVE I been Up To?

image courtesy of thehealthykitchenshop.com

As you may well ask, since it's been... ummm... 13 days since my last post, which I just re-read myself. And arrrgghhh. Of course, since then, I found ANOTHER diet to try.

Okay, in my defense, it's not a diet-diet. It's just a temporary thing...

image courtesy of hardlyagoddess.com

Really. Right there is the name... Whole30!

Ummmm...
I made it through day 5. 

No major cravings, or bad feelings yet, though I've been on the sleepy side the last two mornings (but then, who isn't sleepy in the mornings?).

Then I woke up on day six, fixed my breakfast, and just couldn't stomach it. Seriously, I am exhausted, super cranky, having all sorts of ever-so-lovely digestive issues. Nightmares too, which is unusual for me.

So I'm now re-re-reading this post, and trying to figure out why I always go for the quick fix.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get my exercise level back up after a week off...mostly. Ooops. I did go to a park workout on my day off, which kicked my butt. I did go rollerskating for an hour one day, and then swimming at the river for an hour on another day. But, weight training in the past week? Nope. Treadmill? Running outside? Nope, and nope.

And I have a nine week challenge coming up, starting this Saturday! I'm a coach for this one too! [If my client ever signs up...]

Have a great week! And here's my motivation for today/the week...

image courtesy of pixteller.com

I Give Up...

Not on losing weight/getting healthy.

No, I give up on diets in general. Yes, I've hit my breaking point with "you can eat this, but not that", and "you must eat these things together, but not these things". No more carb cycling. No more low carb. 

image courtesy of empoweredeatingblog.com

Of course, this comes with a caveat. I'm still trying to get in a minimum of 25-30 grams of fiber each day, and 110-125 grams of protein. I still believe in eating small, frequent meals, and drinking plenty of water. And I believe in monitoring calorie intake.

For the last point, I've turned to the Harris Benedict Equation, which gives me my basal metabolic rate (BMR...what I need just to stay alive), as well as my total daily energy expenditure (which IIFYM refers to simply as TDEE). Since I work out regularly these days (more on that below), I turned to this article for picking my activity factor in the linked calculator, and chose 1.5. All of this means my BMR is 1552, and my TDEE is roughly 2483. Deducting about 500 calories from that leaves me with a daily goal of 1983. I "cheated" by setting my goals a tad lower, for a minimal level of 1800 calories on MyFitnessPal.

Yes, that seems like a lot of calories, when you compare the number to all those diets that advocate 1200 calories a day. Where did someone get that "magic" number, by the way? Who determined 1200 calories a day is ideal for a woman? Anyhow, stepping back off my soapbox, 1200 calories a day might be enough if you are older and fairly sedentary. I am neither. And there are numerous downsides to cutting calories back that far.

It may well take me longer to lose the weight this way, than if I slashed calories and exercised like a maniac, but so what?

So you might be wondering, why the shift in my thinking, when (if you read any past posts) you can see me jump from diet to diet? Well, long story short, this last weekend, with my son's 15th birthday on Saturday, I enjoyed a delicious cheeseburger, and an order of fries. I had a piece of chocolate cake when we got home. I really enjoyed eating. I wasn't thinking about too many carbs, or too much fat. I also walked a lot that day, as we took in a classic car show. And I felt good at the end of the day! The next morning, I woke up, craving scrambled eggs and [sprouted] raisin bread toast with almond butter. So I had that, and felt good.

I've been letting myself get hurried with this. "I'm not losing enough weight fast enough." But then I took a step back. I've lost, through my own dedication (no pills, no sublingual drops, no pre-made frozen meals, etc.) almost 30 pounds. Sure, it's taken a while, but it has been part of a lifestyle change, not a diet I go on and off of. Yes, I've stumbled through diets along the way, but am allowing myself to move past that, to realize that I can do this through just eating healthy and moving. And that by approaching it that way, I can make these changes last! And to me, eating healthy means real foods, and occasional treats.

image courtesy of belle-fitness.com

As for exercise, I've started doing some heavier strength training. I've decided on lower body workouts twice a week, and upper body workouts twice a week. Cardio on all those days too, plus abs. Again, it sounds like a lot, but it's really very manageable. For example, I did about 40 minutes lower body work the other day, making good use of my Bowflex Xtreme for squats, leg lifts, calf raises, etc. Then I did a mile on the treadmill, alternating running and walking. My upper body workout yesterday, with an 8-pound dumbbell, took maybe 45-50 minutes—because I brought in ab work—followed by 1.5 miles on the treadmill. That means I also get two "rest" days a week, though they will rotate. I don't plan to laze about on rest days—just do something lighter. Today, I might go roller skating for an hour or so!

image courtesy of google.com

And We All Fall Down...

Or at least, I've sure fallen down this week. Badly enough I gained a pound and a half. Yep, GAINED... a pound and a half. Which is exactly the opposite of what I want to be doing. And yeah, I could make the excuse that six days (as of today) of cramps are to blame, but really, that's an excuse. And I used that excuse all week to eat a little too much, snack a little too often, and not exercise nearly enough.

 I have to remember

image courtesy of quotefancy.com

So what if I messed up this one week? So what if I started today with a chocolate croissant, in bed, because it's Mother's Day? That doesn't mean I'm down for the count.

That means it is time to get up, get moving, get going, on the rest of my life. My coach pointed out a couple of weeks back that if I mess up at one out of five meals, I still have a bunch of chances each day to get it right. One mistake doesn't mean I have to keep going on that path. It's like being on a bus... if I got on the wrong bus, I would get off, and find a way to the right one. I certainly wouldn't just sit there while I get farther away from my destination by the moment!

image courtesy of popsugarfitness.com

So that's what I have to do now... pick myself back up, dust myself off, and get going.

The other thing that's been holding me back the last two weeks is my knee. I injured it during a bad landing at a trampoline park a couple of weeks ago. And most of the time, it seems pretty good now. Then I'll move wrong, and it hurts like hell again. So I caved and bought a knee support thingy, which really seems to help. I only plan to wear it during exercise right now, as I want the knee to heal, and I don't want to be dependent on a support device. IF the knee doesn't get better, yes, I will go see a doctor.... uuugh. In the meantime, I've been reading about strengthening said knee. I can do squats, step-ups, and lunges without any actual pain, so that's good. It only hurts when I straighten the knee too far.

Last week, on our weight loss challenge conference call, we talked about excuses. And the bottom line message was NO MORE EXCUSES. Because we'll always have them. I promise you, I can think of a million and one excuses at any moment. I can think of an excuse at the drop of a hat. Really, I am very, very good at excuses, which is why I'm still fat, why my final paper for the semester isn't finished, and why my house is perpetually cluttered.

image courtesy of conversation.which.co.uk

This week, I will stick to the following:

Turbo Carb Cycling
(with one exception - HC Friday, LC Saturday, instead of the other way around, because I weigh in on Sunday mornings)

A gallon of Bikini-in-a-Bottle* a day
(*water with Herbalife fiber, protein drink mix, metabolism-boosting-tea-concentrate, and aloe)

Exercise Monday through Saturday, with these workouts OR at least 2-3 cycles of the 7 Minute workout app; and on Saturdays, Iron Yoga/bike rides/hiking.

Stats and Such...

It has been a rough week. At the risk of sharing TMI, I've had nasty PMS cramps for four days, which is just ridiculous. And I've been starving (always am with PMS), so I've made some poor food choices. Although that churro yesterday was pretty darn good!

Regardless, here's how things looked this morning:

Nov. 20, 2015 vs. Jan. 22, 2016 vs. March 26, 2016 vs. May 6, 2016

Weight*: 200.6... 196.8 (-3.8)... 189.6 (-7.2)... 184.4 (-5.2; -16.2 total)

Bust: 43 inches... same... 42 inches (-1 inch)... 41.5 (-1/2"; -1.5" total)

Waist: 39 inches... 37 inches (-2 inches!)... 35 inches (-2 inches)... 34.5 (-1/2"; -4.5" total)**

Hips: 45 inches... 44.5 (-0.5 inches)... 43 inches (-1.5 inches)... 42 inches (-1"; -3" total)

Thighs: 25.5 inches [each]... same... 25 inches (-0.5 inches)... 24.5 inches (-1/2"; -1" total)

Upper arms: 14 inches [each]... 13.5 (-0.5 inches)... 13 inches (-0.5 inches)... 12.5 inches (-1/2"; -1.5" total)

Neck: 14 inches... 13.5 (-0.5 inches)... 13 inches (-0.5 inches)... 12.5 inches (-1/2"; -1.5" total)

Clothing size: 14/16/18... same... 14 solid... 12 (tight)/14 (looser)... Down 2-3 sizes!

*Please note: my highest weight last year was 208, which would make my total loss as of this morning 23.6 pounds! 

**I am at last out of the danger zone with my waist measurement! Phew!

So today I am trying really hard to be fully back on track. I had a tasty smoothie for breakfast, packed a healthy mid-morning snack; drank one of my daily six bottles of water, and hope to get in some Iron Yoga this evening. I hurt my knee a couple of weeks ago at a trampoline park, and it felt almost completely better, until I tried to piggyback my 138-pound teenage son yesterday. I find that yoga, especially with 3 pound hand-weights, seems to burn a lot of calories, and is still gentle and slow enough for an ouchie knee. I made a big pot of Thai Soup (from Bob Harper's Skinny Meals, just multiplied everything by 6), so lunch is covered, and tonight I'm making turkey-4 bean chili (I'm having a "high carb" day... sort of, as I'm doing mostly low-carb meals and snacks to help make up for the last few days of debauchery, before weighing in on Sunday).

And tomorrow, I plan to go for a twelve mile bike ride with the husband, if my knee holds up!

So that's where I am, and what I'm up to. Have a great weekend! And here's some weekend inspiration that right now, with the struggles this week, seems pretty appropriate...at least for me!

image courtesy of favim.com

Around and Around I Go...

And where I stop, nobody knows!

image courtesy of appliedunificationism.com

Okay, so vegetarianism did not work for me. I like meat too much, and it was hard getting in enough protein to satisfy my wellness coach.

South Beach did not work for me. I had headaches, and was just plain grumpy. Food cravings, etc.

Now, I do believe that each person needs to find the approach that works for them, and if it takes some experimentation, fine! So what am I experimenting with now?

Carb cycling.

I've been watching some old episodes of Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition with Chris Powell, and so I looked up his books. I started with Choose to Lose, although I also have his Choose More, Lose More For Life on hold at the library. I like the fact that each journey (on the show) takes a full year, versus Biggest Loser (of which I also watch old episodes), where the contestants, who I think get about 6 months.

I started officially with the Classic Cycle on Monday, after allowing myself plenty of food on Sunday (I know, I know... so much of a "last meal" dieter mentality). So far, I've had two low carb days (Monday, Wednesday), and today is my second high carb day. Here's a brief run-down of a couple of days of meals (all breakfasts, by the way, have carbs, which is one of the things I love so far)...

Low Carb

Breakfast: Kashi GoLean Crisp with almond-coconut milk and vanilla protein powder; coffee w/milk; water with aloe and lemon

Snack: cottage cheese (2%) and celery sticks; water

Lunch: chopped cabbage salad with leftover grilled steak, Persian cucumber, and cilantro-avocado dressing; water

Snack: Strawberry cheesecake Quest bar; water

Dinner:  Baked tilapia w/a little Parmesan; roasted broccoli

High Carb

Breakfast: two pieces sprouted raisin bread toast w/cottage cheese; coffee w/milk; water with aloe and lemon

Snack: Greek yogurt w/a few raspberries, and a sprinkling of Kashi GoLean Crunch (honey-flaxseed); water

Lunch: Green salad with chicken, quinoa, black beans, Persian cucumber, and Bolthouse (yogurt-based) salsa ranch dressing; water

Snack: smoothie made with almond-coconut milk, a frozen banana, and chocolate whey protein powder

Dinner: Baked lemon-herb chicken; sweet potato w/lime juice and pepper; green salad

I'm also looking forward to Sunday. I weigh in first thing each Sunday for the weight loss challenge, and then I think I'll have a nice breakfast! I'm not planning on treating the day as a free-for-all, just a chance to work in a small treat or two.

Things I really like so far:

If I'm cravings carbs on a low carb day, I know I can have them the next day

Chris and Heidi's suggestions for eating within half an hour after waking up, eating every three hours, protein at every meal and snack, and drinking a gallon of water a day all completely mesh with my wellness coach's suggestions

Reward days

Carbs at breakfast. I love oatmeal, toast, some cereals, etc., so this makes it easier for me to get that first meal in!

And an update...

On the weight loss challenge. So far (as of last Sunday), I've lost 9.4 pounds, or 4.8% of my body weight! Not a ton of weight loss, but definitely a decent amount, and I've lost a lot of size too.

Pants that were much more "form-fitting" just 5-6 weeks ago!

Also, as of that weigh-in, I'm at 16th place out of 70+ challengers! I've lost a total of over 20 pounds since about January. And my coach says I am doing a fantastic job!!! 4 weeks to go after this one!

image courtesy of myperfectline.com

Another Fresh Start to the Week...

Sundays are always so promising... a fresh start to the week. I weigh in every Sunday morning, take a picture of the scale, and text it in to my coach. Here's this week's pic...

versus the original weigh-in...

Which is a loss of eight pounds in six weeks! A little slower than I would like, but at the same time, it is a respectful 1.33 pounds per week on average.

Which, believe me, is better than NO weight loss, or gaining weight.

And for me, the positive changes go far beyond the scale. I've dropped inches, gained energy, sleep better, feel better, and best of all... I have a confidence in this journey that I didn't have before.

Yesterday, I tried something new, and fell in love. This is how my coach lost her weight, so here she is, doing what I now really want to do more of...

Look at her awesome arm and shoulder muscles!

Yep, that's TRX, or "Total Body Resistance Exercise"

TRX is AWESOME! It really made me use my body-weight and muscles differently. And I loved how it felt doing it. Today, I can definitely feel what I did yesterday.

I want to do it again!

Besides trying out TRX, which my coach set up for me and a couple of other ladies with her trainer, I've actually been running this week. Sometimes outside, sometimes on the treadmill. I'm not using a program for this currently.. just running as much as I can. Friday, for example, I ran 4 out of 6 "laps" (1/4 mile) on the treadmill. The day before, I ran about half of 2.25 miles outside. It's hard—I won't deny it is hard—but how I feel afterwards is worth it. And sometimes I even enjoy it in the process of doing it!

Oh, and I know I'm technically "jogging", not "running", but with the effort I'm putting in, I'm sticking with calling it running, thank you very much.

As for food, I did pretty well this week, though I had a couple of slip-ups, namely some homemade cookies from my mom one day, and some peanut-butter filled pretzels another day when I woke up starving, and in a hurry.

So, goals this upcoming week:

At least 4 more runs (not jogs!)

Karate one night

TRX if at all possible... I will find a way!

Bowflex at least twice

NO junk food! Clean diet, which means preparation and planning!

Inspiration for the week's beginning:

image courtesy of shreddedbyscience.com

and

image courtesy of favim.com